Talked with my best friend from childhood today. Lisa and I have been friends since the age of 4. We both have a milestone birthday coming in May, and I asked how she was coping. (I wasn’t coping well – AT ALL) She told me that she hadn’t really thought about it. Her life was full, and she was thankful. I was a impressed, to say the least. She continued, “I haven’t had a chance to tell you, but our family has experienced a terrible tragedy.”

Killed by a Drunk Driver at the age of 41

Her brother in law was killed by a drunk driver at the age of 41 two months back, and the family has been spending their time grieving, funeral arrangements, managing insurance claims, and paperwork galore. Her sister in law is now a widowed mother of three children, 3, 8 and 10. Her husband was an amazing father, provider and husband. My friend told me, “He did everything for the family, and made all the decisions. She took care of the kids, but she is lost without him.”

Wake up call for me and my petty whining about getting older. Superficial updates were out the window, and we had an amazing discussion about meaning and self reliance.

Can a husband be too good?

This widow now finds herself alone and in charge of everything. She has no idea what to do. She is grieving and now must face all the financial decisions of carrying on in the face of great loss. There is power to be gained from tackling a new task. She can be so proud to know that her husband loved her and their life together had an order and division of labor that worked for them. But my question is, did her husband do too much for her to her detriment?

Delegating the duties in a marriage or partnership relationship makes sense. We can’t do it all. I don’t take out the trash or touch ANYTHING in the yard. The activity of dragging the trash cans to the curb is within my ability, I could do it, but don’t. Forced to do so, I wouldn’t experience any fear or stress about the task. Perhaps some annoyance, but not fear.

Fear or stress ensue from a lack of experience or confidence in your ability to handle a situation.

Could you handle your finances without stress at a moments notice?

Do you have the skill to handle all of your personal finances? Can you choose an investment you feel confident will produce a good rate of return? Do you know how to calculate a rate of return? Do you know what a rate of return is? Can you pick up at a moments notice and take over if forced? If you can’t answer yes, then you have work to do, darling.

Well that’s too much about Lisa for now. Stay tuned for Part 2

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