In Part 1 I was motivated to make some meaning over the tragedy of a life lost. Too many of us wait until we are forced to take control of our finances after a loss. But wouldn’t it be better to be proactive? Make a decision to be prepared before the outside force arrives. Force is a funny master. It comes in many forms, but it always arrives.

I often encounter resistance from women when I begin to talk about financial self reliance. I am passionate about my position that every woman needs to be in charge of her financial destiny. So let’s get to it.

#1 Excuse: “My husband takes care of that”

If you are a guy reading this and committing the same “money sexism” by saying “My wife takes care of it” then you should get real. But there are sooo many sites devoted to the markets geared toward men. So back to my exclusionary style.

Do I even need to debunk this with the statistics? No. It’s just plain foolish to not know what is happening with the gold when it’s the gold that dictates how interesting of an environment you will inhabit in the present, but especially the future.

Please, don’t be the woman living off a social insecurity check trying to make ends meet because her husband did a lousy job of planning for her longer lifespan! Consider Bernie Madoff’s wife who lived a life of absolute luxury for over 10 years before she found out it was all a scam. Now the federal officials have all the assets frozen.

Are you willing to put your fate in the hands of another?

Do you love your husband? Imagine the resentment and ire that will creep in if his financial decisions end up causing you to have to cut your standard of living in half to survive. I’m not guaranteeing that you will fare any better, but at least you won’t be able to get into the blame trap. You will know you did your best and be able to share in the responsibility of the success. Also imagine the stress of having to make all the financial decisions alone. You have a vested interest in the outcome, make sure you know what is happening – win or lose.

Expect more of yourself. Your choice, the only guaranteed freedom, is what will determine your future. You decide, and therefore have no complaints.

#2 Excuse: “I’m not good with numbers, I’ll never be able to do what you do, Lisa”

Darling, I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Interior Design, not an MBA. There is nothing more difficult than add, subtract, multiply and divide in the math category. The biggest problem is the information overload available about finances in magazines, newspapers, blogs, charts, graphs, brokers, newsletters, television, and gurus. Your hardest task will be in applying fewer rules, limiting the information into your psyche and sticking to a plan, budget and strategy.

It takes mental discipline to achieve financial self reliance. It’s all about you! Do you believe in yourself? I will be the last one to tell you it’s going to be easy. It got really serious about financial self reliance about 10 years ago. The key is to start, but take action and don’t quit – ever. That is discipline.

My father was a commercial airline pilot for PanAm. I remember talking with him about his job, and the difficulties. He would often come home after a trip to Tokyo, Japan or Sydney, Australia and need to sleep during the day. He had to deal with disorderly passengers, snow at JFK airport, corporate politics, union dissent, potential layoffs in downturns, corporate restructures that delayed his making Captain of the 747 by at least 5 years, and he was often stressed out about the state of affairs at PanAm (which if you don’t know eventually went bankrupt). I asked him once why he did it. He answered, “Lisa, 80% of my job isn’t fun, but I do it all for the take offs and landings.” He never wanted to do anything else but be a pilot.

That has come to my mind often when I don’t want to do something I know must be done in order to do what I want to do. My Dad loved to fly, and would go through all the stress just to get to sit in the left seat as captain of a 747. It was still a thrill for him after 25 years of flying.

Find that thing that gives you an absolute thrill in life, and more than likely it will take money. Now remember that learning about the keys to financial self reliance and following it up with action is the 80% you MUST do so you can have “the takeoffs and landings”.

Well, that’s enough about Lisa for today. Stay tuned for Part 3 and the biggest excuse of all!

Tweet This Post

Talked with my best friend from childhood today. Lisa and I have been friends since the age of 4. We both have a milestone birthday coming in May, and I asked how she was coping. (I wasn’t coping well – AT ALL) She told me that she hadn’t really thought about it. Her life was full, and she was thankful. I was a impressed, to say the least. She continued, “I haven’t had a chance to tell you, but our family has experienced a terrible tragedy.”

Killed by a Drunk Driver at the age of 41

Her brother in law was killed by a drunk driver at the age of 41 two months back, and the family has been spending their time grieving, funeral arrangements, managing insurance claims, and paperwork galore. Her sister in law is now a widowed mother of three children, 3, 8 and 10. Her husband was an amazing father, provider and husband. My friend told me, “He did everything for the family, and made all the decisions. She took care of the kids, but she is lost without him.”

Wake up call for me and my petty whining about getting older. Superficial updates were out the window, and we had an amazing discussion about meaning and self reliance.

Can a husband be too good?

This widow now finds herself alone and in charge of everything. She has no idea what to do. She is grieving and now must face all the financial decisions of carrying on in the face of great loss. There is power to be gained from tackling a new task. She can be so proud to know that her husband loved her and their life together had an order and division of labor that worked for them. But my question is, did her husband do too much for her to her detriment?

Delegating the duties in a marriage or partnership relationship makes sense. We can’t do it all. I don’t take out the trash or touch ANYTHING in the yard. The activity of dragging the trash cans to the curb is within my ability, I could do it, but don’t. Forced to do so, I wouldn’t experience any fear or stress about the task. Perhaps some annoyance, but not fear.

Fear or stress ensue from a lack of experience or confidence in your ability to handle a situation.

Could you handle your finances without stress at a moments notice?

Do you have the skill to handle all of your personal finances? Can you choose an investment you feel confident will produce a good rate of return? Do you know how to calculate a rate of return? Do you know what a rate of return is? Can you pick up at a moments notice and take over if forced? If you can’t answer yes, then you have work to do, darling.

Well that’s too much about Lisa for now. Stay tuned for Part 2

Tweet This Post